on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
