Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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