'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
