if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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