im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
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