Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize