Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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