Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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