sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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