Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
