First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
