there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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