im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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