we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
