census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
