So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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