She said her name was "party"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
All I want is dick and wine.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
