Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
