it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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