When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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