So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Watching her eat just hurts me
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
