I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
