We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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