shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
