What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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