We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
