Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
