I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
