Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My ATM looks so different sober.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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