i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
