4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
