Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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