Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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