I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
