I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
