it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
