Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
