you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
There's even glitter on my cock...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
