five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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