Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
