Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
