So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
