I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
