brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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