There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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