drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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