Whod you bang
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We are all done wearing pants today
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
