I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
