There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
