What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
