dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
