Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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