just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
