Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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