those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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