I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
