If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
