I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
