I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
