Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
