I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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