Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
