MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
