My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
