They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
