well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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