So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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