Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
