My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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