This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
