did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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