The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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