I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
